This post might be more for me than anyone else, but maybe someone out there is feeling the same way I am today. I feel burnt out, lazy, calm, happy, panicked, and anxious. My brain is this girl:
Because my brain is full of feelings, I decided not too worry about getting anything other than the basics done today. Food can happen, necessary spot cleaning can happen, but otherwise, I gave myself the day off.
I had grand plans this weekend, especially today: I was going to clean the tops of my kitchen cabinets and put wax paper down (a tip I saw on the Kitchn like 4 years ago and have yet to try), clean my balcony, get all my weekend chores finished, cook a couple of meals for the week, and repot a bunch of plants. As of this evening, I have started dinner and cleaned up the kitchen a bit. That’s it, that was the day.
My lack of energy and enthusiasm can be pretty comfortably blamed on Daylight Saving Time, but I think there’s something deeper at play here. I have a tendency to give myself a lot of “shoulds” and “have tos.” “I should get started on spring cleaning.” “I have to get started on work, I’m way behind.” “I should finish what I started.” I get in a cycle. I even start telling myself “I should take a break … so I can get more work done!” But today, I thought about why I “have to” do anything today. And after I listened to my head for a bit, I thought two things: first, good lord, I must be an exhausting person to be around, and second, I deserve a day off from “should” and “have to.”
It’s true that I’ll probably have more energy for the week after I gave myself a break today, but that’s not necessarily why I did it. I just really needed it, I was in a position where I could take it, and so instead of cleaning the tops of my cabinets today (I WILL clean them eventually), I sat on my couch, rewatched some episodes of AP Bio, worked on my cross stitch project, and just relaxed a bit.
Like I said, this post is probably more me justifying myself to myself than anything else, and taking a break isn’t anything revolutionary, but hey, if you need a break, take a break. We’ve been in a pandemic for a long time, it’s been really stressful, and you’re allowed to have feelings about it and anything else that’s making your life tough today. So if you need to today or any other day this week, take a day, take an hour, take 5 minutes if that’s what you need. You deserve it, and if it helps, you have my permission (I ask my therapist to give me permission to take a break or feel angry all the time, and it weirdly helps?).
Have a good week!